People Change

Okay, so it’s a very obvious post title. Yes. And it’s a very obvious revelation. People change. You change. I change. Our friends change. There is nothing we can do to stop it. Today I just wanted to make a quick update, just a quick discussion, because I found something out today that upset me.

I used to know a young man who played in the same band in me. His younger sister is two years older than me, and she and I used to be quite good friends. We would hang out together on band trips. I really liked her. We grew apart though. I haven’t seen this young man for a few years now. Today I found out that he has been sentenced to three years jail (non parole for 1 year) for raping a female friend of his. What can I say? People change. I did, of course, do some reading up. I even snooped the sentencing remark on the courts website (something handy I learnt from my Legal Studies teacher). What I read made me feel better about it. He was and is going through some tough times and suffering severe depression and anxiety and such. However, I just thought, What? What is his sister thinking right now? How must his family feel?

What can I say? People change.

I still know a young man, who plays in the same band as me. Ironically, he is the same age as the guy mentioned above. He and I were a bit closer. I always looked up to him, he was my friend. I thought he was really nice. I remember caring a lot about him. I remember we were at a band gig and he had just turned 18. He was really hungover when he came to the gig and he looked like he was really unwell and in a lot of pain. Even at 11 years old I was motherly. I didn’t know what ‘hungover’ meant, but I asked him if he was okay and if he wanted me to play his part for him. I used to play with his sister, who is three years older than me. We used to be quite good friends, she and I. But then we grew apart (sensing a pattern here?) Last year he started acting differently towards me. I was really cold at a rehearsal one day, so he gave me his jacket and rubbed my hands between his to warm them up. I thought it was a friendly gesture. We had poking wars, poking each other on the arms and the knees. Friendly gestures. I started to feel uncomfortable when we were in a different state for the National Championships. We were walking as a group to a restaurant and he stood by me the whole time. I kept my distance that evening. While my family were driving home from Queensland, making a road trip out of it, he stayed on in Brisbane. Over Facebook he asked me out on a date. Then another one. I politely declined both, still unsure of what was going on. Then he started complimenting me, and making other comments about spending time with me. Then the x’s started appearing at the end of messages. And yeah, I panicked. A few months later after dealing with this for a while, I blocked him. Then I unblocked him when he promised he wouldn’t do it again. Then I had to block him again, because he told me I was beautiful. If he had told me that earlier last year, I would have thought it was a friendly gesture. Not anymore. I haven’t spoken more than two words to him since the second Facebook blocking. I requested that the conductor not place us next to each other.

What can I say? People change. And it’s incredibly sad how.




Home is where the heart is

This post spurred from something that happened ages ago, but I only just remembered. The Year 11s at our school had to attend a presentation put on by firefighters about road safety and such. Something they did as a way of making it more personal was get four students up for a sort of role-play thing. The firefighter asked them what they were looking forward to in the future. They all basically said, or some variation of, ‘Hanging out with friends and getting a career’. I thought to myself, what would I have said? I would have said, ‘Getting married and starting a family’. Does nobody think of this anymore? It is drummed into us for so long in school that we need to get a good career, we need to get a good ATAR, we need to go to university. In actual fact: we don’t. We should get a career, yeah, but it doesn’t have to be high paid. We certainly don’t need a good ATAR if we’re not going to university, and we don’t have to go to university. People ignore the fact that lots of people these days do not go to university. It doesn’t mean they are stupid, it just means it’s not something they want in life.

At the moment, I want to be a nurse. I want to go to university, complete a Bachelor of Nursing and become a Registered Nurse in a hospital. The reason I want to do this is not because of the money, or that it’s cool to go to uni. I want to be a nurse because I love to help people. As cliche as it sounds, that is my favourite thing to do. I love caring for and helping people. It is like a drug to me, it makes me feel so good.

However, going to university and becoming a nurse is only a small, tiny part of my life. My biggest wish for the future is to find a kind and loving man, get married and have children. That’s all I really want to do; become a mother and a wife. All my life I have wanted to have children. When all the girls went through the stage of not wanting children and only wanting to be working women, I still really wanted children. I have such a motherly personalty. I feel like I have to be motherly towards everyone, that’s just the way I am. I can’t imagine living my life without a husband and children.

I guess I just can’t understand why people wouldn’t want a family, or why university and good careers are the most important thins in the world. They are not. I am a female human and I will populate the earth with more humans. My purpose in life is to help people and be a mother, in basic terms. That is what I have decided.

There, that’s my future planned out: ATAR, Uni, Nurse, Marriage, Mother 🙂



New Blog

Hey many many readers of mine (haha… yeah…)… I mean, whoever bothers to read this at all…

I have another blog going 🙂 It is called Observe and the link is here:

I will basically write about things I observe in a day (mainly random guys I see, just cause….)

Anyway, give it a go. It’ll be helping me practice my description and poetry (ish) skills 😀



It’s what’s on the inside that counts?

Hello there!

so today’s topic is beauty, both inside and out. This is a very popular topic, especially around the age that I am now, so I thought it would be good to talk about it. Also because I want to get some of my thoughts out because they are basically suffocating me.

Every day I stand in front of the mirror for about half and hour in total across the day. I get dressed in front of my mirror, I do my hair in front of my mirror, I look in the mirror every time I wash my hands and I clean my teeth in front of the mirror. I glance at my reflection every time I walk past it. And most of the time, my thoughts aren’t positive. I tell other people when the subject comes us that I think I am beautiful. I give people the idea that I am comfortable in my own skin and like how I look.

I hate how I look.

I hate my skin, my cheeks. I have a condition called Keratosis Polaris which makes my skin incredibly bumpy and my cheeks pink like a really strong blush all the time. I hate this. I look around me and I see all these girls with smooth pale flawless skin and wish I had skin like that. They wish they weren’t so pale and that they were tanned. Well, I’d gladly trade my skin for their’s.

I hate the shape and thickness of my hair. It is slightly curly and it curls upwards so it is basically vertical. It is so thick so it’s very difficult to get a handle of. I love the colour though, that’s the only thing I like about it.

I hate my arms and legs. I think they are too big and thick. I’m a ballet dancer, so they are shown off a lot and I always feel very insecure around the other dancers who have stick thin legs. Even copious amounts of exercise doesn’t get rid of the thickness, because it’s not fat, it’s just their shape.

That’s about it, but as you can see I don’t think I am beautiful. Well, I tell myself I am beautiful but I only believe it when others say it to me.

When it comes to the subject of attraction and romance, people say that ‘it’s what’s on the inside that counts’. Yes, it does count. But in the beginning, it’s your looks that catch a boy’s (or girl’s) eye. Then it’s the personality, because that’s what they come to care about as they get to know you. But you don’t go around school saying ‘oh, that guy has a good personality,’ about random strangers you’ve never met before. You say, ‘oh, that guy is hot,’ or something along those lines (I never describe guys as hot. They’re people, not cups of tea). Do you get what I’m saying. So yes, I am insecure about my looks because I know that that’s I what I need to attract a guy’s attention. And yes, I know deep down that I am beautiful because I have had a boyfriend who told me so, and my friends tell me so and my family tell me so. So I have nothing really to worry about.

But I still do worry. We all worry at some point. Some of us never stop worrying, most of us don’t stop worrying. My mum still worries about her figure, even though my dad, my brother and I all say she’s beautiful. That’s just human nature, we always see the imperfections over our perfections.

Have a think about your views on this topic and get back to me in the comments.



P.S. It’s okay to worry about your looks, just don’t make it your highest worry.

P.P.S. For a further experiment, go up to one of your friends and tell them they are beautiful. See their reaction.

False Evidence Appearing Real

Okay, so I realised I hadn’t done a post in ages, and I probably won’t for a while after this, because I never seem to have time and I forget (and that was a really long explanation), so I’m going to write a post now…

Anyway, this one is about all my different fears. The title is a reference to something my principal told us in an assembly. She told us that we shouldn’t be afraid of some things because she realised that fear actually stood for ‘false evidence appearing real’… I don’t think she completely thought this through, because if you’re falling off a cliff, that would mean you shouldn’t be scared because ‘it’s okay, I’m not going to die, this fear I’m feeling for my life is not actually real, I only think I’m falling to my death, it’s not actually happening’… Anyway, I thought I would look up a list of phobias and see how many I have, and so I can see all the cool names for them.

(BTW, they aren’t in any particular order of worst fear to smallest fear, they’re just listed)

  1. Achluophobia – Fear of darkness.
  2. Agliophobia – Fear of pain.
  3. Arachnophobia – Fear of spiders.
  4. Ataxophobia – Fear of disorder or untidiness. *(comes and goes)*
  5. Atychiphobia – Fear of failure.
  6. Catagelophobia – Fear of being ridiculed.
  7. Spacephobia – Fear of outer space.
  8. Nyctohlophobia – Fear of dark wooded areas, of forest at night.
  9. I also have a fear of large vehicles, so this can be covered by ‘Megalophobia – Fear of large things’ and ‘Ochophobia – Fear of vehicles’.
  10. Thanatophobia – Fear of death or dying.

And I think that’s it… Thanks for reading, and if you’re comfortable with it, list your own fears below in the comments 🙂



Happy New Year!!

Happy New Year!!!! Yes, it is past 1am, but I try. Australian New Years Eves are the best, especially compared to the only one I’ve had outside Australia which was spent on a plane flying home from Hong Kong after spending Christmas in England. And we were on the wrong side of the plane, so we didn’t get to see the fireworks. Anyway, picnic by the shore, beach cricket (Well… I say cricket… Let’s just say we’re all musos…), watching the 9:30pm fireworks, playing Wii Sports with friends until midnight when we watched the count down and Sydney fireworks on TV. You can’t get much better than that. And I poned everyone in bowling, and went down hill in golf…

Have a happy and safe 2015!



New Years Resolutions

Well, I know it’s been a very long time since I posted anything. There just hasn’t been much to write about. I haven’t had any mind boggling revelations that I could interest anyone with, so it’s been left for a few months. Anyway, thanks for all the supportive things people have said regarding my last post. The situation turned out fine. I was just at bit emotionally vulnerable. But I know that I have friends who I can talk to in times like that.

Okay, the point of this post. This is me posting my New Years Resolutions. I’ve never had one, so this is me just listing some things that I really want to do next year or get right next year. Here we go.

  • Stop cracking my knuckles.

The above is something that my parents and brother have been trying to get me to stop for a while now, and I can’t seem to get out of the habit, so I’m really going to try now. Unfortunately it just feels so good, but according to the internet that good feeling is basically the same as dislocating your shoulder. As you pull the bones and cartilage apart a gas is released, making a popping sound. It stretches the joint and stimulates the nerve endings. This is okay, however, although it doesn’t lead to arthritis like rumour suggests, it does lead to weaker joints and reduced hand strength. And the popping sound disturbs people (it doesn’t disturb me, but my brother doesn’t like it, and neither do some of my friends), so goodbye cracking knuckles habit. I’ll be trying the rubber band method, which is used a lot to get rid of annoying habits and was suggested on a site. You have a rubber band around your wrist and when ever you feel the need to crack your knuckles, you flick it (which I’ll be doing gently, cause it will hurt a little). This causes your self-consciousness to associate knuckle cracking with pain.

  • Read the bible using two year plan from SAYCO.

SAYCO stands for South Australian Youth Camp Out, but you don’t need to know about that. I want to read the bible to learn more about God and Jesus, because I am aspiring to be a Christian and I’m still working through a lot of doubts. But then, science does that to you. I just want to believe there’s a God up there and that there is an afterlife, because I am afraid of death and nothingness. So, don’t argue with my wanting to be a Christian. It’s the only thing that will help me go to sleep at night.

  • Be more kind to people and get some tolerance.

Tolerance is something I need and people have been telling me this all my life. I’m 15 almost 16 now, and I need to get some tolerance, otherwise I will continue to be a bit of witch.

  • Learn Norwegian.

^ speaks for itself, I want to learn Norwegian.

  • Do well in school and do whatever I can to stop being stressed.

This is a must, an absolute MUST. Year 10 was so stressful it was almost impossible to cope with towards the end. I think we all felt that.

  • Finish my novel (ANY OF THEM!)

I need to finish at least one of my dozens of begun novels. I especially want to finish the romance one.

And I think that’s it. I would like to say I will stop reading fanfiction, but that’s a big ‘no’. I love fanfiction, and I really can’t see myself putting it down. I will, however, try to cut down on the hours I spend reading it when I’m meant to be going to sleep. It’s making me sleep deprived, which leads to the stress. So, enough reading it at night time.

Have a safe and happy New Years Eve, readers.

Godt Nyttår! (Happy New Year!)

Ser deg senere!


Rabbit in the Headlights

This is a post where I go deeply into how I feel about myself. I’m not asking for sympathy, I’m not hinting to you that you need to comment encouragingly below. I just want to let off some steam and let you guys know how I see myself.

(Prepare for some swearing)

I am a bitch. I know I am. I try to ignore the fact, but I generally am. I am occasionally kind to some people and I’m certainly getting better at being nice, but most of the time I am a right female dog. I’ve been called it before, by people I don’t like and people I do like. I’ve forgiven them all, they’re allowed to tell the truth, but I really would prefer it if they said it behind my back. I am actually perfectly okay with people talking behind my back. It’s to my face that I have a problem with. Because that’s when I’m in the spotlight, and I become the rabbit in the headlights. If it’s behind my back, I don’t know about it, and I can pretend it isn’t happening. This is an easier way of life, and a way I like.

I don’t like facing my mistakes, nobody does. But it’s when I make a mistake and my loved ones (friends, family) catch me out, that I become cruel and nasty. It’s a defence mechanism, a stupid one at that, but it makes me feel slightly better. When I make a mistake like the one I’ve just made, I draw myself immediately out of the situation, because it’s easier to forget that it’s happening, or at least hide that it’s happening. I delete messages, I delete proof, I send back messages saying that I’m offended, or the like. And then I cry myself to sleep, because I know that at some point I have to face the people who caught me out. I have to go to school tomorrow and see these people. They might not mention anything, but I will know that they know and that they are silently judging me. They will think worse of me. I have no problem with people I don’t like hating me, that’s fine, because it doesn’t affect me anymore. But I need to know that my friends still love me. Because they’re what makes school bearable. Even now, I’m trembling, because I can’t back out. There’s nothing I can do. How do you say something that someone is expecting? I’m having a rabbit in the headlights moment and I can’t get to sleep because of it. It’s two minutes to midnight and I’m still up worrying about this and writing it all down for the internet to see but never read. Only one person regularly reads this blog. I’m constantly checking Facebook and Gmail, dreading another message or email or comment or post, or something that will develop this situation further. I just want to leave the friendship group on Facebook and never go there again. I don’t want to show my face to anyone at all, but I know I have to.

Just tell me that it’s all going to be alright.

Sincere Love,


Living the Fantasy

I’m going to post here a list. This is a list of all the characters from books, movies and TV shows that I am obsessed with. Some of theme are slightly embarrassing, and maybe some of them I should have gotten over by now. But this is what a blog is for, writing down your thoughts and embarrassing yourself for loads of strangers reading, because they don’t know who you are. Unless the only people who read your blog are your friends, in that case you have to be very careful whose names you mention and how much private stranger-worthy information you give.

Character Crush list:

  1. Mr Thornton from North and South
  2. Mr Darcy from Pride and Prejudice
  3. Harry Kennedy from the Vicar of Dibley: Wholly Happy Ending
  4. Gilan from Ranger’s Apprentice
  5. Will from Ranger’s Apprentice
  6. David Rain from the Last Dragon Chronicles
  7. Peter Pevensie from Narnia
  8. Spock from Star Trek: 2009
  9. Troy from High School Musical (don’t you dare laugh)
  10. Simon Tam from Firefly
  11. Pippin from Lord of the Rings
  12. Frodo from Lord of the Rings
  13. Hiccup from How to Train Your Dragon
  14. Fred Weasley from Harry Potter
  15. George Weasley from Harry Potter
  16. Fabian from House of Anubis
  17. Augustus Waters from The Fault in Our Stars
  18. Oliver Wood from Harry Potter
  19. Sherlock from BBC Sherlock
  20. Tobias from Divergent
  21. Tristan Thorn from Stardust
  22. Gideon de Villiers from Rubinrot
  23. Tamaki from Ouran High School Host Club
  24. Kyoya from Ouran High School Host Club
  25. Teddy from My Invisible Boyfriend
  26. Caelen from The Dragon of Trelian
  27. Levi from Fangirl
  28. Bernard from The Santa Clause
  29. Graham from The Holiday
  30. Adam from If I Stay
  31. Eugene from Tangled
  32. Dmitri from Anastasia

So, there’s the list (so far). Told you it was embarrassing. Showing you this list isn’t the point of this post though. It’s about living in a fantasy world all the time. I broke up with my boyfriend of 1 1/4 years earlier this year, and since then I haven’t had a crush on a real guy. This is pretty weird for me, because before I went out with aforementioned unnamed boyfriend, I like up to three guys at once.

However, I do like the above mentioned 32 characters. Some of theme are past crushes, and some are still in my mind. For instance, Mr Thornton, who I mentioned in an earlier post along with Mr Darcy. Harry Kennedy, who is also played by Richard Armitage (who plays Mr Thornton) is also stuck in my mind. I have forced myself into this world where I love all these made up people, and I’m missing the real world go by. There are real guys who I probably would have crushes on, but don’t because I’m so wrapped up in my fantasy. This is really hard for me, because I just want to meet the right guy. I’m fifteen and I’m worrying about this! Why?! I know that the day will come when I lay eyes on someone and something will just click, but then again, it might not click. It’s not like in the movies where two characters meet each other, and their eyes linger on each other, and as soon as you see that tiny linger, you know that they are a future couple. When two character’s brush hands and there’s a tiny moment where everything is focused on that hand brushing, and the two characters feel something, something magical, because they know that the other person is their true love. When two characters kiss, there are fireworks or roses or sparkly sounds. IT DOESN’T HAPPEN IN REAL LIFE! Either that, or aforementioned ex-boyfriend wasn’t the one for me, cause I certainly felt no fireworks.

So how the hell are you supposed to know if someone is right for you? When you meet Mr Right, will you know straight away? Or will you become friends and then one day just wake up and realise that you can’t get him off your mind? Have you already met Mr Right, and you don’t feel anything for him yet? Will you EVER meet Mr Right, or will you live out the rest of your days never knowing? I know I couldn’t cope with that, I would go insane if I never got married. I know some people like it that way, but I wouldn’t, being the hopeless romantic that I am. Anyway, tell me your thoughts in the comments and if you know me in person, don’t judge me for the aforementioned list.

Ser deg senere!


Wake up, it’s 2014

Hi guys and guy-ets 🙂 I’m a bit angry at the moment because of some stuff I’ve been reading on Facebook, so I thought I’d take my anger out on the internet and my blog (which, incidentally, I haven’t posted in for a while).

I read this story about a four year-old child who stood up for a homosexual person when another guy said a gay couple kissing was disgusting. This child responded by saying that it was love, not disgusting. Yeah! You go, kid! Anyway, that was written by his mother and she was very proud of him. I would be too 😀 But some of the comments on this story were horrific! So many people saying that homosexuality wasn’t love, it was confusion, and that it is a sin and wrong in God’s eyes. My response to this in a heart beat is ‘What the hell?!’ And some other profanities that I will not write on this child-friendly blog. Wake up and smell the roses guys! This is 2014! A year and century where being homosexual and bisexual is perfectly okay and not considered an act of evil. Once upon a time back when being gay was considered wrong, being left handed was a sign of the devil. In this century and year, being left-handed is perfectly okay, and being ambidextrous is considered cool. So, why have we come to accept left-handed people, who were once condemned for sinning because of their hand ‘choices’ (not much of a choice, we’re born with a preferred hand) but we haven’t come to accept gays who are considered to be sinning because of their love? It’s just love. We love our fathers and mothers, our sisters and brothers, our sons and daughters, and our husbands and wives. These people we love are our families, which are made up of females and males. If males love their fathers and brothers, why is it wrong for them to love another man who would, in the perfect world, become their husband? This is the same for women.

I have many great friends who are homosexual and bisexual. I have no problem with them being who they are! I have teachers who are homosexual. What about all those Johnlock shippers out there? They’re not afraid of it! So why are there still people who are homophonic? It’s not as if someone else being gay or lesbian affects them in a negative way. People with homophobia should ask themselves these questions: Is it hurting me? (Answer: no) Is it hurting them? (Answer: no) Is it hurting anyone else in this world? (Answer: no). Well then, I think you should have good look at yourself, cause I’m pretty sure you’re in the wrong. If a homophobic person has a problem with someone else being gay, they should also ask themselves this question: Am I gay/lesbian? If the answer is no, then why are they judging someone else. If the answer is yes, then something in their social or family environment is making them feel negative about their feelings. This is not a good thing, because regardless of our sexuality, we all have rights and deserve support. 

I just hate how so many people are using their religion as an excuse for homophobia. That is the disgusting thing. I used to be religious and now I’m not, but I have a great respect for all religions and all religious people. But to judge another person, a human being who is just like you, because of your religious beliefs is completely unacceptable. The bible says ‘love thy neighbour as you love yourself.’ There is no exception for this rule. If your neighbour is gay, that is no excuse to not love them as you love yourself. If you say that you do not love them as you love yourself, you are contradicting your religion. Religion is not excuse for homophobia. Homophobia is a choice, homosexuality is not. Grow up and get on with your life. You don’t have to agree with them, because we all have a right to our opinions. We do not, however, have a right to judge others because of these tiny insignificant things. I have lots of religious friends who are perfectly okay with gays, I have gay religious friends. So what on earth is your problem?

So, that’s my take on it. We’ve grown up a lot since left-handedness was a sing against God, but we’ve still got a bit to go. I can’t believe it’s taken us two thousand years to get this far though. Bit disappointed with the human race these days. In the words of Captain Jack Harkness, a heroic character of a 21st century BBC TV show (Torchwood) who has kissed and loved women, men and on occasion, aliens, “You people and your silly little labels.”

Ser deg senere!