People Change

Okay, so it’s a very obvious post title. Yes. And it’s a very obvious revelation. People change. You change. I change. Our friends change. There is nothing we can do to stop it. Today I just wanted to make a quick update, just a quick discussion, because I found something out today that upset me.

I used to know a young man who played in the same band in me. His younger sister is two years older than me, and she and I used to be quite good friends. We would hang out together on band trips. I really liked her. We grew apart though. I haven’t seen this young man for a few years now. Today I found out that he has been sentenced to three years jail (non parole for 1 year) for raping a female friend of his. What can I say? People change. I did, of course, do some reading up. I even snooped the sentencing remark on the courts website (something handy I learnt from my Legal Studies teacher). What I read made me feel better about it. He was and is going through some tough times and suffering severe depression and anxiety and such. However, I just thought, What? What is his sister thinking right now? How must his family feel?

What can I say? People change.

I still know a young man, who plays in the same band as me. Ironically, he is the same age as the guy mentioned above. He and I were a bit closer. I always looked up to him, he was my friend. I thought he was really nice. I remember caring a lot about him. I remember we were at a band gig and he had just turned 18. He was really hungover when he came to the gig and he looked like he was really unwell and in a lot of pain. Even at 11 years old I was motherly. I didn’t know what ‘hungover’ meant, but I asked him if he was okay and if he wanted me to play his part for him. I used to play with his sister, who is three years older than me. We used to be quite good friends, she and I. But then we grew apart (sensing a pattern here?) Last year he started acting differently towards me. I was really cold at a rehearsal one day, so he gave me his jacket and rubbed my hands between his to warm them up. I thought it was a friendly gesture. We had poking wars, poking each other on the arms and the knees. Friendly gestures. I started to feel uncomfortable when we were in a different state for the National Championships. We were walking as a group to a restaurant and he stood by me the whole time. I kept my distance that evening. While my family were driving home from Queensland, making a road trip out of it, he stayed on in Brisbane. Over Facebook he asked me out on a date. Then another one. I politely declined both, still unsure of what was going on. Then he started complimenting me, and making other comments about spending time with me. Then the x’s started appearing at the end of messages. And yeah, I panicked. A few months later after dealing with this for a while, I blocked him. Then I unblocked him when he promised he wouldn’t do it again. Then I had to block him again, because he told me I was beautiful. If he had told me that earlier last year, I would have thought it was a friendly gesture. Not anymore. I haven’t spoken more than two words to him since the second Facebook blocking. I requested that the conductor not place us next to each other.

What can I say? People change. And it’s incredibly sad how.